Blog

Making my personal page further minimalist.I am back on SeaMonkey, to create a HTML based blog.Hope people like it.Yes, just like last time, but no scripts at all, and no tracking as usual.Obviously no advertisements, I never believed in web advertising.Hope it works out good.

Cheers,
fENZOMANI


Don't ask the specifics - when, how and why !

Some year(s) ago I was with my superior - we faced a dilemma : "What about dating profile ? Sure we have a section , but should we count it as an entity ?"

That night, lying on my bed, I held my brick phone on my chest, waiting for it to connect to the WorldWideWeb, specifically to my OkCupid profile.Then I started browsing through profiles - rather random browsing through profiles on WAP formatted pages.I was reading profiles like the way it was in my muscle memory, looking for specific keywords.That's when I realized one thing - most people on dating websites are not there for hook-ups.You see , dating websites are like train journeys : sure you want to ride it, but you hope to meet new people, rather have short talks about everyday life.Upon realizing this, I emailed about it to everyone I knew who would be interested about this specific clause that might cement our decision.

Next day, when I met superior , I cried,"What do you think, isn't it a reason enough to exclude dating profiles ?", to which he said,"My old said Anata ga ocha o ireru mae ni mado no soto o mite".We made important decisions, evaluated critical choices and although I re-translated this phrase from what he said be back on that day, every now and then he asks me if I understood what he said that day.And I think I don't !


Continuum in time and space : You cannot go back in time,  but in spatial domain, you can take a step back.

The day was January 27, 2007.I was hooked to my 10 month personal computer until a mail arrived and changed everything.

When I first started using computer at the age of 7, it wasn't all fantastic - for others.I started using IBM-PC from 1997 , all the way through 2006.My friends had modern Widndows machines, while my computer was more of a vintage box for most people - no internet , no media.But it was this practice of using DOS for 9 years of my life - that I had such clarity and objectivity about systems besides computers.I enjoyed writing stuff on ChiWriter and loved playing 16-bit games.I even liked using old electronic simulators, which , paved a good way for my understanding electronics.If I was asked what came first in me - it would be electronics, because ever since I was 5, dismantling toys was not an odd routine of my everyday childhood agenda.

Call me narrow-minded or conservative, but the best for engineering churns out from basic fundamentals.And while I am transition from my 8 year old commitment to a new career in life, this has always helped me to go back to my roots.


Coming soon : A poem by an acquaintance that has something to say.

Beautiful fall sunset,
Take me back to better days.
Take me back to the childhood innocence,
I'd thought I'd never crave.
But here I sit,
Now my heart's in a pit,
Cold with fear,
And shivering with regret.
Growing up too fast,
I continue to fret.
"Rejoice in Thy youth"
I should have believed,
Even when I was ready,
To never again breathe.
Oh, the regrets that fill my heart.
I need to win this battle,
Before it tears me apart.
"Easier said than done".
It couldn't be more true.
Everyday is a new battle,
I continue to lose.
I gave up on my mom,
I avoided my dad.
I tried and tried,
But only cried over the life I no longer had.
So please, fall sunset,
Take me back to when I didn't know.
Take me back to when I didn't care.
Take me back to no regret...


You can reach to the person who penned this beautiful poem here

Usual Day

The lab is always empty.Like my past, it was repainted with a coat of pale white luster paint, to create an ambiance of lab-space.


                                     .       .

     ________________________________.       .
    |\ _WALL - >_____________________|       |
    | |                            |E|       |
    | |                            |X|       |
    |W|                            |I|       |
    |I|                            |T|       |
    |N|                            | |       |
    |D|   X                        | |       |
    |O|                            | |       |
    |W|                            |_|       |
    | |                               \      |
    | |______________________________  \     |  
    |/__WALL AGAIN !____|DOOR|_______|       |
    . \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\.       .
    . THE "OTHER" LAB AND THEIR\\\\\\.       .
    . OTHER PEOPLE\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\.       .
    .\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\.       .



See the X mark ? That's where I usually sit(You can even click on X above to see what I see through the window outside).Oh, the lab requires access code, so don't be under the impression that anyone can walk-in or go-out of the lab easily.That's it.I have spent here most of my time in last 7 months.I seldom go back to home to sleep.I barely sleep for 6 - 7 hours, wake up, eat some breakfast and get off for lab.There are rarely any visitors, except some few usual faces.Having spent 24 hours straight for few days to few hours everyday, this lab has become a characteristic of current phase of my life.But like every video game - there are constraints.

The big constraint : The "OTHER" lab and their "OTHER" people.Call these people some of my alter-ego(s) or people who like to peep through the red door, to see what people in my lab are upto, walls being made out of wood, one needs to be very careful.As a result I am under a constant fear that these "OTHER" will hack into my designs or developments talked about during one of those conversations amongst other people in my lab.It becomes difficult to hide what one is working on and keep one's creativity healthy.

It's just because of this reason that I enter the lab as swiftly and as quietly as possible.Since the access door is right adjacent to the "OTHER" lab, I never exit from the access door ; I always use the EXIT door (some people in our lab didn't even know it existed/functioned as door). Having said that, I need a permanent fix to this problem.Hope I can find a fix or be more fearless in letting "OTHER" people monitor my research progress.


The great risk.

Every now and then you come to a day , an hour or a minute that can be life-changing.For me that day has arrived.I have to make a decision with a huge risk involved, which can either flourish or ruin my career.When everything comes at stake, your mind starts to wander with anxieties, your heart starts to pump blood with stress and you body feels like it's added a few hundred pounds.

I can't make this huge decision with an impulse.Taking up such a decision involves evaluating outcomes, taking calculated risks.It would be great if you had someone to share this to, but all that it does is to ease the mental stress, one still has to suffer with the pain of coming up with a decision.
     


Found something interesting ? Or something to share ?  You can reach me by sending email to the second word that you see on the address bar @gmail.com